Exceptional Lessons
by Dragonlyme
Summary: Hermione is receiving horrible dreams and visions from The Dark Lord. Only her Potions Master Severus Snape can help her and keep her from going mad. But then, Hermione finds out something quite disturbing about herself. HG/SS
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, this is my first uploaded story, and my first fanfic so I am really sorry if there are things that are not right or if there are some grammar errors in it.  
Maybe it would help you to know I write horrorstories, but I'm trying to make this a normal fanfic. I think it's going to work :).  
I have changed some things so that those things would fit better in the story; I gave Hermione some childhood memories (They may be a little violent, I'm sorry for that) and a few other things.  
All charactars belong to the magnificent writer ****J.K. Rowling  
** **Please comment your thoughts about this one!  
** **Love, me.**

 ** _Chapter One_.**

The knife traced along the collarbones from a 45 year old, brown haired woman.  
A red blood trail followed.  
The woman screamed an tried desperately to sit still, so that the knife would not hurt her any worse.  
Her beautiful brown eyes screamed for mercy but it just got worse.

Hermione woke, up bathing in her own sweat, still hearing the echo of a cold voice laughing.  
She looked right in the face of Ginny Weasly.  
She looked concerned, puzzled and scared all at once.  
'You were screaming again, Hermione.'  
Hermione sat straight up in bed and told with a sore throat what she'd been dreaming of.  
Ginny pulled her out of bed and handed her her boyfriend sweater.  
'This is not good, Hermione and it's enough. This is the 10th time in the past two weeks. We're going to Professor McGonagall and I hope very much she takes us to Professor Dumbledore.'  
They discussed this several times but Hermione didn't want anybody to know.  
Because in all of these dreams, she was killing her family.

Ginny got what she wanted, a few minutes later she walked with Hermione and Professor McGonagall hastily to Dumbledore's office.  
Hermione saw herself reflected in the windows as they walked past them, lightening the corridors with _Lumos_.  
She looked vulnerable and pale, dressed in only her black, boyfriend sweater. It barely covered her tights and she hoped she wouldn't need to bend over or bow or something.

They entered Dumbledore's office and Professor McGonagall told him what happened.  
'How many times by now?' asked Dumbledore.  
'Ten.' Said Hermione rationally.

'Only family?'

'And friends.'

Dumbledore turned to a painting of an old man and asked him to tell Professor Snape he needed him.

A moment later Hermione heard the Potions Master enter the room, if she not already felt the sigh of wind from his cloak.

'You needed me, Headmaster?' The silky voice made Hermione shiver.

'I'm afraid Miss Granger is his first victim. You can't start soon enough.'

Hermione felt his gaze on her back.

'Miss Granger, follow me please.'

Hermione turned around and obeyed her Potions Master. He took her to the dungeons and entered the potions classroom.  
He put a chair a few foot away from his desk, facing it.

'Sit.' He commanded.

Hermione sat down as she felt uncomfortable and tired.  
She tried to draw her sweater as far as was possible over her bony knees, but it kept pulling back.

'Familiar with the _Legilimency_ spell Miss Granger?'

'Vaguely.'

'It requires the user of the spell penetration to one another's mind.  
The Dark Lord likes to use it to obvious victims, creating dreams and visions to torture them. He would stop if he had them literally begging for death, and only then he would finaly kill them.'

'Is that what He is doing to me?' Hermione asked horrified.

'Obviously.'

Snape turned around on his heels and while he took his wand from his desk he explained;

'These lessons are meant for you to defend yourself against _Legilimente, Crusio, Imperio_ and so forth.  
I will attempt to use these spells on you, and you will attempt to resist. '

Hermione swallowed. She still had a sore throat and noticed she had to fight to keep her eyes open. She didn't sleep so well for the past ten days.

'I will begin with _Legilimente_. Prepare.'

Professor Snape pointed his wand at her and she had no idea how to prepare herself to this.

' _Legilimente_ '

His voice vibrated trough her body and echoed in her head as the first horror pictures of memories lightened up behind her eyelids.

She was six again and entered the living room where her parents were. Her father hit her mother with a small statue of the Big Ben, and she screamed. He hit her again and again. He just didn't stop. Blood streamed over her face as she fell to the ground, screaming crying.

Hermione screamed and cried with her, yelling Professor Snape needed to stop the spell.  
But instead of stopping, his voice vibrated again trough her body.

'Focus, Granger! Focus!'

Hermione put her hands between her upper legs on the chair so that she would not falll. She bowed her head and groaned in pain, trying to focus. She felt tears dropping on her arms and a new memory came by.

She was lying in bed and heard the front door slapping. She could almost smell the alcohol her father had been drinking that night. And then she heard the familiar sound of her mother, screaming. All she could do was lying there and hope her father would not enter her room and hurt her, like he normally did. Then she saw her Potions Master standing right in the corner of her bedroom.  
'Afraid, Miss Granger?'  
His voice sounded normally this time and Hermione thought of her, pushing him out of her room, out of her mind. It worked almost but right before he was gone, she couldn't handle the mental pain, the unease of her Potions Master in her head, her body and the room and above all, she couldn't handle the fatigue anymore.  
She felt the ground and the floor slipping away from under her feet. A moment later she felt her head lying down on the cold, chilling pavement.


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey, me again** **. The story is a little cruel sometimes, I'm sorry for that. The only thing I can say is that it is going to change.**

 **The only true love,  
Is the Impossible love.**

 **Enjoy reading** **, xxx me.**

Hermione opened her eyes and for a moment she didn't know where she was.  
Then she saw the desk, the potions and the caldrons.  
She had a rare taste in her mouth, the taste of salty chocolate.  
As she looked around she saw Professor Snape looking down at her with an empty bottle in his right hand.  
He had gave her a potion to wake up and she felt a rare kind of sleepy.

'Go to bed. I will see you every evening at 7, here.' He said as he turned around and left the room.

'What if I get detention?' Hermione asked with an unsteady voice, but loud enough for Professor Snape to hear. Her sore throat was gone.

'You don't.'  
The door slammed behind him.

Hermione wished she never had those dreams.  
That Ginny never took her to Professor McGonagall.  
But she had those dreams and Ginny had taken her to Professor McGonagall.  
The best she could do now, was to go to sleep and do her best, so she could stop those lessons as soon as was possible. 

Hermione slept a dreamless, deep sleep and woke up early, well rested. For the first time in two weeks.  
She even had time enough to take a quick bath before going to the Great Hall for breakfast. So she did.

Trough the day, Hermione tried not to remind herself to the memories she had seen the previous night, and what she would see this evening. At seven.  
Though, the evening neared faster than Hermione liked.  
She told Ginny, Harry and Ron about the lessons she had, and told the rest she had detention, if they asked about it.  
She wasn't hungry by the time of dinner but she felt Professor Snape's eyes on her, so she forced herself to take a few bites of chicken. She nearly felt sick, but if she wouldn't go this time, it took longer before she could stop the lessons, and most likely she would have those dreams again tonight.  
After dinner she put on her black jeans and the boyfriend sweater from the night before. She tied her hair in a ponytail and put on her black sneakers. With a weak smile she thought it would fit in the décor of Professor Snape's clothes and the potions classrooms. Right before she got on her way to the classroom she took a cup of calming tea. Surprisingly enough it helped.

At 18:45 she went to the dungeons. She was five minutes to early but still she knocked timidly on the door of the classroom.  
The door opened itself and Hermione stepped in. A smell of toothpaste and new parchment filled her nose and lungs. She found Professor Snape standing over a cauldron with pink liquid. Amorentia.  
Her Potions Master looked up from his work and his black eyes darkened as he saw Hermione.  
He pointed at the chair.

'Sit.' He commanded just as the night before.

Hermione obeyed and sat down. Her Potions Master went standing behind her.

'Prepare.' His Silky voice let Hermione shiver, again.

Hermione put her hands between her upper legs on the chair and bowed her head, also as the night before.

' _Ligilimente_ ' vibrated trough her body.

This time there were flashes. Of Ron saying it was a logical thing she didn't have any friends, in the first year. Times in class she knew things but she was ignored.  
Then, suddenly the memory from when she was eight years old, her father beat her mother again but this time Hermione yelled him to stop.

Hermione knew what was coming after this. She pushed her Potions Master out of her head, but because she didn't see him it didn't worked. Hermione screamed and took her wand. Right at the moment something terrible happened in her head, she pointed her wand at her Potions Master and whispered through gritted teeth

' _Avis'_

A bunch of little, blue birds escaped from her wand and flew right into her Potions Masters face who was now standing right in front of her.

' _Crucio'_

Hermione felt like she was burning and fell of the chair.  
There the burning changed into thousands of needles inserting her.

'Never do that again!'

Her Potions Master sounded furious. Hermione couldn't see his face as she was making peristaltic moves on the ground.

'Focus Miss Granger! Concentrate!'

She tried, really, but she couldn't. The pain was too strong.

' _Legilimente'_

His voice vibrated again trough her body. It was nice and calming, comparing to the _crusiatus_ hex. She saw herself laughing with Harry and Ron, all the times they had fun together.  
Then came the moment of her first kiss.

'Really, Ron Weasly?'

Her Potions Master asked bored and with disgust in his voice.

Hermione pushed his voice away and thought of the book she was currently reading. Maybe if she was thinking of something else than what he wanted to see and at the same tried to move him out of her, he would.

And he did. It worked.

Her Potions Master gave her some time to breath.

'Well done, Miss Granger.' He said smirking down at her. She was still lying on the ground, gasping for air.

A few tears escaped from Hermione's eyes as she tried to stand up.  
She felt warm blood streaming down her face.  
Her Potions Master helped her by pulling her up and let her sit down on the chair.

'A few minutes break then.'

He turned on his heels, walking to the other side of the room, his cloak billowing after him. He took a small bottle from a shelf and returned to Hermione.

'Drink this and we will continue.' He gave her the bottle. It was filled with a clear, yellow liquid.

'Murtlap Essence?' Hermione asked.

'Almost. This one heals from the inside of your body as so, you need to drink it.'

Hermione drunk the liquid and felt that the bleeding stopped.  
Her Potion Master pointed his wand at the blood from Hermione's head on the floor and it disappeared, then he did the same to Hermione's head.

'We continue.'

Her Potions Master pointed his wand again at Hermione.

' _Imperio_ '

Hermione felt cold spreading in her veins as she stood up. She had the idea she was dozing to sleep.  
Slowly she walked to the shelves with potion equipment.

'What are you making me do?' Hermione wanted to ask, but she didn't open her mouth. She couldn't.  
She picked up a big sharp knife, and in horror Hermione became aware of what her Potions Master was making her do. She placed the knife on her wrist and Hermione tried not to panic. Instead of that she tried to push her Potions Master out of her mind and body. But as soon as she thought of that it felt like she was on the edge of sleeping and waking and forgot what she was trying to do.

The knife slowly moved over her skin and a red trail followed.

But Hermione didn't wanted to die, not yet, and she couldn't believe her Potions Master did this. Suddenly she became really angry. This man was making a 15 year old girl kill herself. He had controlled her mind and criticized the most private and secret memories of her, he tortured her and even didn't apologize for it. Just because she had bad dreams, just because she was Mudblood. If she was no Mudblood, the Dark Lord wouldn't make her go mad if, she was no Mudblood.  
But damn! She couldn't fucking help it!  
People, specially Severus Snape had no right to judge her like this!  
The dozy feeling disappeared and Hermione dropped the knife.

'Well done Mss Granger' the silky voice of her Potions Master sounded really close and she could feel his warm breath, crossing over her head.

'Now you may clean my impliments.'

Hermione's blood was not only on the knife but also on the other potion tools. Her wrist was all red too, and she tried to remember the cleaning spell she learned from Mrs. Weasly. Hermione noticed her Potion Master had put a bottle Murtlap Essence near to the knife she used. She heard her Potions Master turn around and leave the room. 


	3. Chapter 3

Hermione walked with Ron and Harry through the dungeons to Potion class.  
As they entered the classroom, Hermione remembered what happened the previous evening. And the night before that. And she wondered what was going to happen this evening.  
Because it was Friday, everyone was irritated by what was written on the chalkboard; "Essay Murtlap Essence. Three feet Parchment. Monday morning."  
Another wasted weekend.  
Though, everybody fell silent as professor Snape walked through de door at the backside of the classroom. The familiar billowing of his cloak made Hermione smile.  
She decided to make this evening an evening without traumatic actions.  
As Hermione was gathering her ingredients for the Murtlap Essence potion, she noticed Harry taking a Murtlap tentacle and just threw it in his cauldron.

'Harry you forgot to strain and prickle it first.' Hermione hissed.

'Helping Mr. Potter, are we Miss Granger?' Hermione shivered by the sound of his voice. She would never get used to that.

'His Murtlap Tentacles weren't ready for use, sir.' Hermione said as she looked up at her Potions Master, who was standing next to her.

'I think Mr. Potter is capable of thinking himself, although he has not much to think with.'

The Slytherins chuckled as Harry looked daggers at Draco and his friends, who were actually laughing.

'Something funny, Draco?' Professor Snape asked.

Draco stopped laughing and looked back at Harry, with the same expression on his face. Professor Snape turned on his heels and walked back to his desk.  
Hermione bit her lip.  
She didn't know why, but her Potions Master seemed to be in a good mood.  
Harry and Ron looked surprised at each other.  
Normally, her Potions Master would have took 15 points from Gryffindor and ignored Draco.  
Sometimes, he would even give Slytherin five points for having a good sense of humour.

While Ron, Hermione and Harry walked from the dungeons to the Great Hall, Ron couldn't hide the suprised look on his face.

'You'd almost say he'd drunk Amorentia. What did you do to him last night Hermione?!'

'Nothing, Ron.' Hermione Smiled.

Ginny told them by dinner, that professor Snape took 20 points from Gryffindor that same day, because of a boy who accidently bumped in to him, and that she had detention because she had asked something about the potion she had to brew.  
He was in a very bad mood all day.  
As they went talking about Fred and George, who wanted to blow up the Slytherin common room, Hermione felt eyes on her. She looked at the staff table, and found her Potions Master looking at her. She returned his gaze until her Potions Master had to answer a question from professor McGonagall.  
Hermione bit her lip and thought of tonight.  
She hoped this time he would not harm her too much.

Hermione walked through the corridors to the potion classroom, a too well known route.  
As Hermione thought about it, she became aware of how much she really liked those lessons.  
She still hoped she could stop them soon, but it was the first time school made her actually learn something that wasn't all logical for her.  
These lessons made her pay real attention, other than the normal lessons, because if she missed something in there, she could just look it up in her book, or ask it someone else.  
These "Exceptional" lessons were much more exciting.

She entered the classroom, and the first thing she noticed was that there was no chair, and no Potion Master.

' _Legilimente_ '

Before Hermione could turn around, the hex touched her mind and the classroom disappeared.

She walked through the empty, dark dungeons.  
'Where are you going, Granger?'  
The voice of Draco echoed through the corridors and chuckling followed from more than one person.

Hermione knew this was not a memory.

She turned around and faced whole Slytherin, Draco in front.  
'You are a Mudblood, Granger. Accept that you don't deserve to live.'  
'If there is a person who doesn't deserve to live, it would be you, Malfoy.' Hermione replied.  
'It's even written on your arm Mudblood!' Draco said with disgust in his voice.  
Hermione pulled her Slytherin green sleeve up and saw the red letters appear on her pale skin.

"Mudbloods don't deserve to live. Die, Mudblood."

Hermione searched for someone who was pointing his wand on her but she couldn't find anyone.

Hermione tried not to fall down on the pavement, and thought of all the stories she had read. She pushed Draco out of her mind, she focused on him, fading away. But not Draco was in her mind, her Potions Master was. He made her see this.  
She remembered the last few days this happened and came to the conclusion she had to think about something that could push this vision away.

A huge teddy bear appeared behind the Slytherins.

Hermione thought of it, walking over the Slytherins and saving her.

The teddy bear walked in her direction, crushing the Slytherins, including Draco. They were gone.

Hermione thought of it, turning into her Potions Master and then sending him out of her mind.

The teddy bear went pale, got a cloak, and slowly turned into her Potions Master. He faded.

Hermione felt her legs turning into jelly and as the pavement neared, two arms closed around her middle.

'We will leave the legilimency, for now.'

Hermione shivered again by the voice of her Potions Master, who let her go and smirked.

'Cold, Miss Granger?'

'No, I'm fine.'

'Good. _Imperio'_

The dozing feeling caught Hermione by surprise.  
She desperately looked for something she could be angry about, but her Potions Master didn't had done something immoral.  
As for Draco or one of his friends.

Hermione slowly turned on her feet to the fireplace.  
She walked past her Potions Masters desk, the light of the burning fire reflected in the knife that was on it, it draw her attention.

As in a brainwave Hermione decided to revisit the past. The knife that draw her attention, was the knife which her Potions Master made her do terrible things with.  
The old, familiar anger started to boil in her veins.  
The dazzling feeling disappeared, slowly this time, and Hermione stopped walking.

'I could be proud of you Miss Granger. Imagine what kind of terrible things I could have made you done with that fire. I am pleased you were so quick of mind so that I did not had to hurt you any worse.'

'You could also just made me walk outside, or label your potions, sir.'

'If so, there was no need for you to resist, was there.'

Her Potions Master actually smiled a little. Hermione bit her lip to not smile back too boldly.  
She noticed, that this was his third compliment this week.  
He was nicer to her, and Hermione liked this Potions Master more than the one from before the exceptional lessons.  
Suddenly he turned on his heels and walked to the door, his familiar cloak billowing after him.

'Tomorrow at seven. Here.' He said flat.

'But tomorrow is Saturday. Ron, Harry and I wanted to go and see Hagrid.' Hermione replied surprised. Tomorrow was her day off. No stress or schoolwork.

'How unfortunate.'

The door shut with a bang.


	4. Chapter 4

Hermione opened her eyes.  
She had dreamed.  
But she was sure that this was not because of the Dark Lord. This night she had dreamed about her Potions Master.  
It was a rather pleasant dream, but still, Hermione was ashamed of it and tried to erase the images of the dream to never remember them again.

She turned on her back as she hoped that professor Snape wouldn't dig in her dreams this evening. Or any evening at all.  
She closed her eyes once again and thought of his billowing cloak. It was one of her favourite things about him.  
She hoped to see him smile, once.  
 _Oh, god Hermione stop that, you stupid goat!_ She scolded at herself.  
 _He is too old and he is a death eater. Besides, Ron is still in love with you and you could better just concentrate on him.  
He loves you back, and in that way you can't get hurt at a grumpy, sarcastic manner as Severus Snape would do._

Hermione got dressed and went to the library to start the essay for Potions.  
Drowning in her thoughts about her dream from last night, she didn't watched where she walked and as she turned a corner she bumped in to something big and tall. Without looking what or who it was, she apologized and walked along.

'Seven o'clock, my office. Miss Granger.'

Hermione went blank as she recognized the voice of her Potions Master.  
She turned around and found him gazing at her.  
He looked her in the eyes as his gaze softened.  
Chocolate brown into bottomless black.

'Don't be late.'

And he strode away.  
For a few seconds, Hermione couldn't move.  
Overwhelmed by the fact that she bumped in to someone she was thinking about, dreamed about and wanted to keep out of her mind.  
For a few other seconds, it crossed her mind that she may have inhaled some Amorentia damp while her Potions Master was brewing it right before they started her second exceptional lesson.  
But she was sure that, in that case, she immediately fell in love with him, which she didn't.  
Slightly confused and hungry for some distraction she wrote her essay, exactly three feet long.  
She read it over and over again, each time controlling if there was any mistake at any level.  
After spending a whole afternoon at it, she looked at it with satisfaction and carefully put it away.  
She looked out of the window and saw the sun go down behind the mountains.  
The sky turned orange and pink.  
Hermione had the urge to pick up her broomstick and fly away.  
Just for a few days, to clear her mind. Things turned up to become really complicated, if she could not stop her feelings for her Potions Master.  
With a light shock she came back to reality.  
Her watch said it was five to seven; she had to run not to be late.

As Hermione crossed the dungeons to the potions classroom, an itching feeling started in her stomach.  
With all the luck of the world, she hoped- no, wished- that her Potions Master would not dig in her dreams.

When Hermione stood before the classroom door, something said her she could better knock first, but she got no reply.  
She knocked louder, yet nothing happened.  
After a few seconds thinking what she should do, she opened the door slowly.  
In the middle of the classroom there was lying a bunch of black cloak and…  
And blood.  
A lot of blood.

Hermione gasped for air and went for a second just blanc.

Then she walked closer and saw the face of her Potions Master.  
He was a little paler than normally and his eyes were closed.  
'Professor?' Hermione couldn't produce more than a whisper.  
He was lying on one side, his face half covered in blood. In that way Hermione couldn't see where it was coming from.  
She stroke his hair behind his ear and rolled him on his back.  
He was still breathing, but barely.  
With a spell she cleaned all the blood and then she saw a big cut in the side of his face.  
There were a few more on his legs and chest. Luckily it had stopped bleeding so Hermione could look for a potion that would help.  
She saw a bottle Awakening Potion and wondered if it'd help.  
Next to it was a tiny bottle with Essence of Dittany.

She took it and carefully let a few drops touch the wounds.  
Green smoke billowed upwards.  
Hermione noticed her Potions Master was still a bit pale, Hermione stood up, put the Essence of Dittany back and began looking for some Blood Replenishing Potion.

It didn't took long before she found it, but now she had to make him drink it.  
She hesitated for a quick moment before she placed her arm behind his neck and carefully pulled his torso up, so that he sat.  
She put the bottle at his lips and slowly let the liquid stream into his mouth.  
She put the bottle at her side and once again stroke his hair out of his face.  
Although it looked greasy, it felt soft. Really soft.

Hermione wondered whether she would stay there, with him, and wait untill he woke up, or look for help.  
It was obvious that he got those injuries from Voldermort, Merlin knows what happened exactly with him, but he looked better now and maybe he didn't want anybody to know.  
So Hermione stayed there.  
Sitting with him in her arms on the cold pavement.  
She could smell him, his scent was overwhelming, if you finally catched it.  
He smelled like parchment, dried Roses, nettles, and more herbs Hermione could not place.  
It became her new favourite scent.

Hermione didn't wanted to hold him when he woke up, so she levitated his body and let him down to the couch in his private quarters which were adjacent to the classroom.  
She made a fire in the fireplace and sat down in the chair next to it.  
After done that, she didn't had to wait long; a few minutes later her Potions Master slowly opened his eyes, remembering what had happened before he lost consciousness and recognizing the room he was in.  
His eyes softened slightly for a second, then his mask of 'no emotion' returned.

'What are you doing in my living room, Mss Granger.' His voice dangerously calm.

'We had an appointment at seven, but when I came in I saw you lying on the pavement. Unconscious. Sir.'

'What did you do?' He asked, now in his own monotone, yet, attention picking voice.

Hermione told what she did and why, not daring to look at him.  
After she finished she saw that her Potion Master had cocked an eyebrow and looked cynically at her.  
It made Hermione think she did something wrong. No, that everything about her was wrong, that _she_ was wrong. As he always did when he didn't knew exactly what to do, or say.  
Then he finally said something, while he stood up and walked to a small table with a bottle of firewhiskey and three glasses.

'Lesson dismissed. Monday at seven. Here.'

Hermione stood up and walked to the door.  
As she left, she saw a glimpse of her Potions Master, taking the whole bottle of whiskey and bringing it to his lips.

He didn't saw her dreams.  
He was hurt.  
Hermione felt guilty. She knew it was nonsense, how magically this world may be, wishes didn't came true a few minutes after making them.  
But she still had the idea, that if she hadn't wished it, her Potions Master had been save.  
Now, she wouldn't see him untill Monday.  
She could visit him, and ask what happened and why, but if it was something he wanted to discuss with her, he would.  
She could go visit him and ask something about her potions or the essay for Monday, but she didn't need to. She understood everything perfectly, and she had no urge- well, she just couldn't- lie to him.

As she entered the common room she went straight to her bedroom.  
Ignoring Ron and Harry asking what was wrong.  
Ginny followed her.

'Hermione, talk to me, what happened?'

'Nothing Ginny.' Hermione said dead.

'You're upset.'

Hermione didn't replied and entered the bedroom. Why did Ginny always had to follow her?

'What did Snape do to you?'

Still, no reaction.

'Talk to me Hermione!'

'Nothing, Ginny!' Hermione bursted out in anger.

'Could you please just leave me alone?!'

Ginny looked at her, shocked. Hermione didn't really care right now.  
The only thing she wanted to do now, is sleeping. And after that, thinking.  
Ginny left the room, and Hermione went to sleep, still angry.  
A terrible mistake.

 **I'm sorry to leave you with such a cliff-hanger :1 But I'll post a new chapter soon!  
Please review, I don't have a Beta-reader yet.  
Thank you for reading! And **_**always**_ **remember…..**

 **To turn to page 394.**

 **Me.**


	5. Chapter 5

The knife felt strangely familiar as she stroke her finger against the cold metal.  
In front of her sat a wide-eyed, 15 year old redhead, tied to the chair she was sitting in.  
Hermione couldn't do any different but laugh. Cold and loud.  
She did a step forward and a short, sophisticated sound left Ginny's mouth.  
'Was that a scream?' Hermione asked. Her voice barely sounded like her own.  
But she knew it was hers.  
Ginny looked at her in horror. Intense fear, written over her face, disgust and anger in her eyes. Hermione saw that as a yes.  
'You want to scream?' She asked as if she was pitying her.  
In fact, she was, actually. For what was waiting for her.  
Ginny stayed silent.  
Hermione walked another step in her direction, pointing the knife on her chest.  
'I asked you something.' She said through gritted teeth.  
'No.' Ginny said quick and quiet.  
'Bummer for you then.' Hermione said cold. She was beginning to get scared of herself.  
But she didn't really bothered.  
She made a cut in Ginny's arm with the knife and drew her wand. She knew what she was going to do. She was going to freeze the wound with a spell.  
That caused an immense pain.  
Because she actually froze the nerves in her arm and her blood; the cold would spread very fast through Ginny's veins and that would hurt.  
Really hurt.  
After that, she was going to place the knife on her collarbone, so that if she would breath, made a sound or actually moved at all, she was cutting herself. A part of Hermione screamed at herself that she didn't want to do this.  
But why would she stop? The other, bigger part asked herself. It was just funny how Ginny looked at her.  
Just like the Lady with those big brown familiar eyes had done.  
The smaller part of Hermione stopped breathing for a second.  
She had seen that before, it was horrifying.

But she could just not remember what she exactly had done, when, why and how.  
She hexed Ginny's wound and screamed with her. She screamed of satisfaction.  
That small, annoying part of herself said this was sick.  
But Hermione kept going on with what she wanted to do. Or not _actually_ wanted, whatever.  
She screamed and cried, she felt the same pain as Ginny did, but oh, Merlin's beard this felt good.  
The small Hermione began to scream, yell at herself. She had to stop this! Now!  
But if only she knew how.

Hermione opened her eyes, still screaming. The tears streamed down her face and she could smell her own sweat, covering her like she just had a bath.  
She was not lying in her bed, but on the couch in the common room.  
Still silently crying she looked in the concerned and scared face of Ginny Weasly. The girl she had tortured just yet, because a big part of Hermione liked it.  
It was like the pain was a drug to her and it scared Hermione more than anything else in the world.  
Kneeling next to the couch, facing her, was Severus Snape. He looked angry, and at Hermione's surprise, he couldn't hide the concern that wasn't written on his face, but on his body.  
In his left hand he held a bottle, half part filled with Dr. Ubbly's Oblivious Unction.  
His right hand was in her neck, holding her head so that he could pour some of the potion into her mouth. Just like she did to him last evening.  
His whole body was turned to her, bending over her, almost protecting her from the outside world.  
The common room was filled with Gryffindors and professor McGonagall stood at the other end of the couch, holding her hand at the place where her hart was.  
She was holding a medallion with a big ruby in it.

'There is nothing left to see for your sensation addicted eyes, go to bed or I will stand every night next to it, looking at you as you are looking at Mrs Granger right now. All of you.'

As quick as they could, scared by their Potions Master's threat, they left the common room, running back to bed.

'Off you go.' Professor McGonagall added with a deathly look in her eyes to the ones who weren't afraid of professor Snape.  
Ron, Harry and Ginny were allowed to stay.

Hermione looked at Ginny's arms and collarbones and released a sigh of relief as she saw she was unharmed.

'The horror, the pain….' Hermione whispered hoarse.  
She noticed that her sore throat was back. This was Voldemort's work.  
She also noticed that her Potions Master's touch was soft, warm and caring.  
Last night Hermione had tied her hair in a bun, so, the touch was skin to skin.  
It felt like heaven.  
That small touch.  
She wished she hadn't sweated so much.  
It wasn't really charming.  
She smelled his scent again.  
Herbs and parchment. She closed her eyes for just a second. This was so beautiful comparing to her dream; it had just seemed so real. It was surprising that the feeling of this emotion, serene peace and love, could exist in a world with the pain she was dreaming of.

'What did you dreamed Hermione?' Harry asked.

'Bloody hell, you screamed like a Banshee.' Ron added with a pale face.

Hermione looked at Ginny and hesitated.  
She didn't want her to be frightened of her.  
She wouldn't do it in real.  
Would she?  
Her Potions Master's hand moved away and as Hermione sat up straight she felt a rare kind of anger coming up.  
Hermione told what she had dreamt of, her Potions Master asked for details.  
She was forced to remember every nasty detail of what she was capable of, of what Voldemort could easily make her do.  
Silent teardrops left her eyes.  
She wanted to stop with this.  
With those lessons, the dreams, even the love.  
When she was six years old, she became aware of what love actually means.  
It means caring, helping, respect, having someone to fight for.  
But it could hurt so much.  
Not just romantic love, every kind of love.  
If Ginny wasn't her best friend, if they'd never even met, she wouldn't have visions about killing her in this way.  
She wouldn't have visions about killing her at all.  
She didn't dare to look at someone, she didn't wanted to see the horror in their eyes. She had seen enough horror in the eyes of her 11 victims.  
So she looked at her hands, knotting in her lap.

'Miss Granger I need to ask you to come with me. Now.' Her Potions Master said when she was done talking.  
He turned on his heels and strode out of the common room as Hermione was clumsy jogging after him, looking at Ginny who obviously didn't approved the late night visit.  
Hermione noticed that she was still wearing what she fell in sleep with.  
Her black boyfriend sweater with black short pants.  
All black.  
How lovely.

'Are you really that lazy Miss Granger?!' her Potions Master bellowed at her after he shut the door with the loudest bang Hermione had ever heard coming from a door.

'No, sir.' Hermione squeaked.

'Don't, lie, to me! _IF_ you had done what I told you to do, you had practiced every day and you would have been capable of resist the Dark Lord by now!' He scowled at her.

'But I did, sir!' Hermione said, her voice hoarse.

'SIT!' professor Snape commanded.

Hermione sat down on the closest chair as quick as she could.

'Close your eyes.' Her Potions Master said orotund.

Hermione gazed at him. Close her eyes? Now? Here? With a very angry Snape in the same room?  
Surprised she didn't obeyed him immediately, he repeated silkily and threatening  
'Close your eyes Miss Granger'.

Hermione closed her eyes, bit her lip and held her breath, nervous for what was coming.

'Breath, you silly girl, and stop that!'

He was still furious and Hermione wished that she hadn't screamed so much, or loud, whatever it was.  
She released her breath and lip and frowned.

' _legilimente!'_

Small moments of memories passed her mind. Things she had been dreaming of since she was a little girl.  
With a shock Hermione noticed what he was doing.  
He was looking into her dreams.  
If Hermione wasn't already frightened by the anger of her Potions Master, she would if he saw the dream she had have, one night ago.

'Control your emotions! Discipline your mind, Granger!' vibrated his voice through her body.

As hard as she could, she was thinking of the day she got the Hogwarts letter and her Potions Master leaving her body and mind.  
But it didn't work.  
She was so scared, and the emotion only increased as he was nearing the dream.

'Control!'

Once more vibrated his voice.  
Hermione collected all her fear, the anger from last night and tried as hard as she could to fire it at her Potions Master, while, of course, thinking of something completely different.

The moments passed slower and after a few seconds it seemed like she was watching a slow motion movie.  
It worked, but not fast enough.  
He left her mind, after seeing Hermione smiling at him, and he hugging her, saying he loved her.

She had pushed him out of her mind, her fear had won from his anger.  
But there was no reason to be happy.  
He looked at her with a charcoal gaze, hiding his emotions.

Hermione stood up from her chair.

'I… I think… I am tired… I'll go now, goodnight professor.' She stuttered. Her sore throat hurt. Her legs hurt. Her head hurt. Her heart hurt. She wanted to go to sleep and never wake up again.

'Tomorrow. Seven. Here.' Professor Snape said with an iron voice.

Hermione walked through the corridors, she didn't noticed how cold and chilling it was.  
And that a boy was looking at her. As hurt as she was by seeing her heartbreak face.

Hermione wanted to scream and cry, like those people in her dreams did.  
She felt the same pain they did, but mentally.  
She was too tired and had no tears left anymore, she felt like she was a zombie, an empty body.  
What would her Potions Master think of her now? Would he mention it in potion class? Would he hate her?  
Hermione couldn't answer those questions, she needed to sleep. Very long.

The common room was empty and dark. As Hermione was lying in bed, she heard a soft, quiet voice.

'Hey, Hermione. You okay?' Hermione heard Ginny sit up in bed, but she closed her eyes and fell asleep. 


	6. Chapter 6

Black-eyed, black-haired man.  
Tied to a chair.  
Knife.  
Wand.  
Hermione.  
It felt familiar and wrong.  
She desperately tried to remember where she had seen it before and at the notice she couldn't, frustration and anger started to boil in her veins.  
She walked over to the man, who was looking at her with his bottomless, black eyes and an irritated gaze.  
A piece of Hermione wanted to stop, but a bigger piece wanted to go on.  
'Don't you dare!' the small piece threatened.  
The anger boiled up and suddenly the big piece became smaller.  
Very slowly, but enough to hesitate before doing something with the knife, or the wand.  
'You are lazy, arrogant….' The silky voice of the man started.  
'…and weak.'  
The big piece grew, but the small piece became angrier by the second.  
'Drop. That. knife.' She said to herself. But she didn't listened.  
Slowly, Hermione began to remember why she knew what she was going to do.  
She had done this before, 11 times. And this man in front of her had something to do with it, other than being the next victim.  
He showed no fear, no anger, just irritation.  
And that pushed the little piece of Hermione over the edge.  
She forced the big piece smaller and smaller, untill she was all herself again and she opened her eyes.

It was raining outside, and the dormitory was empty.  
Slowly Hermione stepped out of bed and as in a kind of trance she put on her clothes. A jeans with a big, warm, pale blue sweater.  
She did it.  
She had done it.  
It had worked.  
Her frustration and anger forced Voldemort out of her mind, her veins, her… body.  
Just like she did with her Potions Master. Who was probably hating her now.  
She walked to the Great Hall for breakfast, her mind miles away from where she actually was.  
She sat down next to Ron who was just telling Ginny, Harry, Luna and Neville a story.  
She didn't know about what. She didn't really care either.  
'Hermione?' Luna asked.  
Everyone was looking at her, and she became aware of that Luna had asked her something.  
'I'm sorry… yes Luna? What is it?'

'Never mind.' She said with one of her mysterious smiles.

'Should be the Nargels.'

'Are you okay 'Mione?' Ron asked.

'Yes Ron. I'm okay.'

A concerned look crossed his face and Ginny frowned worried.  
Hermione ignored it and sipped her tea.  
She wasn't really hungry, but then she felt two eyes burning into her back.  
She turned around and found Draco glaring at her.  
He quickly turned his eyes back to his plate, but the burning feeling didn't left.  
She turned to the staff table.  
Two black eyes drilled into hers and the longer Hermione stared back, the more his gaze softened. Untill, when you could call it a friendly look, he returned to his food.  
Hermione smiled slightly as she looked at him. There was something about him that made him worth tolerating his sarcasm.  
She wanted to walk over to him and tell him what she had done last night.  
That she finally did it, that it had worked.  
But she didn't.  
He would cock one eyebrow and ask her if she wanted a party, or something like that.  
She looked back at her plate and she felt his gaze again.  
She felt that he wanted her to eat something, so he would not have to worry.  
So, she forced herself to eat two bites from her pancake, and only then she would allow herself to go study in the library.  
After her first bite she felt the eyes moving away from her.

The library was empty and quiet as Hermione started working on her schoolwork.  
She sat down in the furthest corner next to the window, it was still raining.  
She loved the rain, almost more than sundown.  
Its rhythmical tick calmed her and helped her focus on the things she was doing.  
She finished her schoolwork quickly and began reading all the books in the library, starting by the bookcase she was sitting nearest to.  
After she was done reading the first book, she had another four hours left to read.  
After three hours she slowly began to forget the things that happened the last few days, including her love for Severus Snape.  
She was reading her fifth book when Hermione noticed it was time for dinner.  
With the excuse that she had to finish the book, or she couldn't sleep that night, and that she wasn't hungry, she stayed in the library until after dinner.

Then she brought her books and parchment back to the dormitory and slowly began to walk to the dungeons. As she entered them, she felt strange. Somewhat between empty and happy.  
She stood still and took her wand.

' _Expecto Patronum'_ She whispered.  
An otter escaped from her wand and began jumping and running through the corridors.  
She was five minutes too early and she would wait untill the last second of the hour.  
As the otter went running circles around Hermione, she felt her happiness increasing.  
For three minutes she was just looking at it and filling the emptiness inside her with happiness.  
Then she took a deep breath and walked to the potions classroom.  
She knocked at the door and after an 'Enter.' from her "beloved" Potions Master, she went in.  
'Sit.'  
He looked at her with a cold gaze and Hermione's happiness disappeared like snow.  
At that moment Hermione had the urge to slap herself in the face.  
One look from Severus Snape and she was empty again, she shouldn't give him that power.

He pointed his wand at her, but she was faster.

' _Expelliarmus!'_

She missed him and the spell hit the wall behind him.  
It had been more a reflex from Hermione and she wished she hadn't done it.  
With a cold gaze her Potions Master looked at her.  
Slowly, he walked towards her and when he was right in front of her, he stood still.  
She could smell his scent.

'I dreamed again. I defeated him, sir.' Hermione said in a try to save herself from what was coming.

For a moment, her Potions Master gazed at her. Still cold and angry.

'What did you dream.'

His iron voice cut through the air like a knife through butter.

Hermione hesitated but reminded herself at the fact that she started this, so she had to finish it.

'The same as last time, but I managed to stop him before I did anything but walk towards the victim, sir.'

'Who was the victim.'

'You were, sir.'

' _Imperio.'_

The dozing feeling took he by surprise. It overwhelmed her. She stood up once again and walked towards the burning fire. Hermione decided to take a try with happiness this time. She thought of the day she got the Hogwarts letter, the days she laughed with Ron and Harry, her first kiss, her Patronus. By the time she felt it worked, she was in front of the fire and about to pick up the poker.  
She felt she smiled and dropped it, she turned around, still smiling and slowly she became aware of the fact that this was a record.  
She made it in less than 30 seconds.  
Her Potions Master looked down at her, smirking.

'You were not at dinner. How come.' He asked flat.

Hermione swallowed. How to answer that properly?

'I was reading and I…' Hermione hesitated, she didn't want him to think that she really was as clumsy as he thought.

'Well?' he cocked an eyebrow.

'I wasn't hungry.' She finished.

'You were not hungry?' he repeated, both eyebrows raised.

Hermione thought to hear a bit of concern through his voice, but that must be a mistake.

'No, sir.'

'In that case, let we move on to the next spell.'

He pointed his wand at her and she felt a hungry feeling coming up.  
Of course, she definitely shouldn't have tried to unarm him.  
And she should have come to dinner.

' _Locomotes'_

 **Once again, I'm sorry to leave you with a cliffhanger, I'll try to post soon.  
I'm going to try to post every Saturday or Sunday.  
Enjoy reading **


	7. Chapter 7

Hermione knew a lot of things about her Potions Master, things he probably didn't know anybody knew about him.  
Once, Harry told her that Dumbledore told him that her Potions Masters Patronus was a doe, just like Harry's mother's.

She felt him levitating her into the air, flying high above the pavement were she had been standing, just yet.  
She smiled slightly, she couldn't help it.  
The hungry feeling in her stomach increased.  
In flashes she remembered the scent of her Potions Master, and his touch.  
His touch.  
A gust of happiness tiptoed along her spine and she felt a slight shock through her wand.  
Blue light filled the classroom and not an otter, but a doe jumped through the room.

The pavement neared as Hermione fell out of the air.  
With an "oefff" she managed to land on her legs and arms.  
Her Potions Master gazed at her.  
Every muscle in his face relaxed.  
She had never seen this before, it made her think of deep sorrow and hurt.  
Something far more worse than she would ever feel.  
His eyes were absent and he had dropped his wand.  
Hermione's doe disappeared.  
How was it possible that she suddenly had another Patronus?  
Did it change to the one the person you loved had?  
But just a half an hour ago she had an otter…  
It didn't made sense at all; she hadn't spoken the spell, she even didn't thought of it.  
Just of Severus Snape.

'Professor?' Hermione whispered. She stood up, her Potions Master didn't react. 

'Professor Snape? Sir?' She walked towards him and slowly, the endless frown and hard gaze slipped back on his face again.

'Is that your patronus?' He asked hoarse.

It scared Hermione a bit, normally he was the cold, detached, sarcastic professor Snape.  
It's true, Hermione was wondering for a while now, who he really was.  
Who was the Potions Master behind the mask?  
But this just scared her.

'No sir. Normally I have an otter.'

There was a short knock on the classroom door and a Draco Malfoy opened it.

'Sir, we need you to come to the astronomy tower.'

Her Potions Master looked irritated but after a rare expression at Draco's face he abruptly turned to Hermione.

'Lesson dismissed, Granger. Return to your dormitory and stay there.'

He turned back to Draco and followed him out of the classroom.  
His cloak billowed after him, but this time it didn't made Hermione smile.  
She decided to obey him and as she walked through the corridors she noticed that it was strangely quiet for a Sunday evening.

The common room was full of Gryffindors but none of them actually smiled.  
They all looked concerned and puzzled.  
Hermione felt there was something very wrong.  
After two minutes accidently bumping into people to find her way to Ginny and Ron, they looked relieved to see her in one piece.

'What's going on?' She asked, trying to talk loud enough to emerge from the voices of the concerned people around her.

'We were sent to our common rooms. We may not leave untill our Head says we can.' Ginny said.

'Where is Harry?' Hermione almost knew the answer to that question. She hadn't seen him anywhere.

'On a journey with Dumbledore.' Ron answered.

A flash of pain crossed Ginny's face.  
Hermione knew they couldn't do anything, but wait and pray nothing bad happened.  
That was the consequence of being Harry's friend.  
If he was "out", the only thing you could do was hope and pray, if you were not with him.  
But more concerned about Harry, was Hermione about her Potions Master.  
The bad that happened was obviously happening in the Astronomy tower. Where her Potions Master was.  
Then, Hermione thought of something.

'How long are you guys here yet?'

'I don't know, half an hour?' Ron looked puzzled at her. He knew Hermione didn't ask something if it wasn't important to her.

Hermione bit her lip.  
They had just started the exceptional lesson when the students had to go to their Head towers.  
But Draco had knocked on her Potions Masters door and asked him to come to the Astronomy tower. He was part of it, something was going to happen.

'Hermione? Is something wrong?' Ron asked concerned.

'No.' Her answer was fast and brief.

'No, there never is. Yet you don't eat, you are quiet, what is very un like you, and don't show up for dinner. No, nothing wrong.'

Ron sounded angry and he turned to his dormitory. Hermione felt a little guilty, but she didn't want to tell him anything untill she figured out if it did any harm to anyone or anything if she did.  
Ginny looked at her with raised eyebrows. She was going to ask questions too.

'Ginny, don't. Please.'

Hermione smiled slightly and put her arm on her shoulders.  
Ginny did the same.  
It was hard for her, she was never sure if Harry would return alive, or in one piece at all.

Suddenly the painting swung open.  
Professor McGonagall stood there with a pale face.  
Everyone stilled and looked at her.

'The Headmaster is dead.'

She said it quietly, still scared of reality.

'Follow me please.'

The students started to whisper. No one believed it.

Untill they reached the bottom of the Astronomy tower.  
The proof was there, Dumbledore, lying on the ground, Harry kneeled over him.  
Everyone stilled.  
Nobody dared to even breathe.  
Ginny slowly walked towards Harry and the Headmaster.  
She was relieved about Harry. Yes, Harry was still alive, in one piece.  
But the Headmaster wasn't.  
She kneeled beside him and put an arm around him.  
A teardrop escaped Hermione's eye.  
One question repeated itself in her mind.  
Where was her Potions Master?

She saw, from the corner of her eyes, that people raised their wand with a small light on top of it.  
Hermione did the same.  
Suddenly, green light filled the air and a cloud in the shape of a skull appeared.  
It opened its jaw and a snake slithered out between its teeth.  
Voldemort. Death Eaters. Severus.

 **I want to thank my Beta-reader SeekerDraconis23 for pointing out my errors,  
she's a great writer too and I'd definitely recommend her** **.  
Her stories are really well build and they're pleasant to read, you really should check her account.**

 **XXX Me**


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